Tuesday, September 3, 2013

6:03 PM - No comments

In Case You Missed It... 9-3-2013

- If you've become bitter & sour, it's because when God gave you a blessing, you clutched it for yourself...& didn't pour …

- So OWN ('Ol Weird Nancy) and I stopped in to see in to see a friend this morning on our way outta town. As we were leaving, I nearly stepped on a Burmese Copper Headed Rattle Mamba Python that was on their front walk. I was gonna pick it up, but was afraid it would squeeze me to death. So I ended up doing the next best thing... I ran screaming like a 6yo girl to the safety of the car. SO glad we paid extra for that luggage rack on top...

- I don't hold grudges. I hold memories that make me better prepared for our next encounter.

- On this Labor Day ... let us pray for all those who "labor for the Lord"... whether as a pastor, missionary or on a short-term mission trip!

- When they can't kill your dreams, they will try to assassinate your character.

- So if two witches watched two watches... witch witch would watch witch watch? Yeah... time or more coffee.

- Never apologize for any incident over which you have no control...

- So I had no idea... NO IDEA... my first marriage would be my only marriage.

- Just had an idea for an all female roofing company: All The Shingle Ladies.

- When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid.

- I'm so lazy that I sometimes get up an hour early just so I can do nothing longer.

- Hey, people who don't follow me but see the need to correct/comment on my tweets? Shut up.

- You'd think with all my multiple personalities at least ONE would be likeable...

- Hearses don't come with luggage racks or U-Hauls... enjoy your life and loved ones today!

- I would just like to be rich enough to where I didn't feel the need to lick the inside of my yogurt cup top...

- Never underestimate the power of my ignorance...

- So earlier, my phone auto-corrected killed to kilt. Well plaid, phone... well plaid.

- Even after all this time I can still remember our wedding night so vividly... me locked in the closet crying and OWN ('Ol Weird Nancy) outside promising to try and not laugh anymore.

- So I saw a woman at Wal*Mart today with so much junk in her trunk that the 'Sanford and Son' theme song played everywhere she went...

- I R/T all lame Tweets to try and make mine look better...

- If you want to get someone's immediate and undivided attention, learn how to imitate the sound of a Text Message notification.

- I think my life would benefit greatly from some more cowbell...

- If your tweet gets retweeted 6 times, does Kevin Bacon read it?

- I'm trying to make a Miley Cyrus joke but it's not twerking...

- Life isn't a fairy tale... if you lose your shoe at midnight, you might want to cut back on the Tequila.

- So OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) likes to watch our wedding video backwards. She loves the part where she takes her ring off, walks away from the altar, and leaves with her friends.

- 12,828

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