* I always read OWN’s (‘Ol Weird Nancy’s) Horoscope to see what kind of day I'M going to have.
* A picture is worth a thousand words. Except mine. Mine is just worth one word. Crap. My picture is crap.
* Some people come into your life for a reason… like for target practice.
* I hate when the cat beat me at Hearts...
* I just tried to sniff some Coke... got an ice cube up my nose.
* During this run of heat from which we are suffering... please remember to dress for the body you have and not the body you want.
* So I found a forklift with the keys in it, and long story short, I now own a Redbox DVD kiosk.
* Some things are better left unsaid. But that never stops me...
* “You’re going to like how smart you look, I guarantee it!” - Mensa Warehouse.
* So blessed to be living in a time of inexpensive catheters.
* I have certain phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
* Letting go of negative people is not a reflection on how you feel about them, it is a reflection on how much you love you.
* If you aren't a Libra, you have no idea how tough it is to correctly hang something on a wall...
* Don't forget... it's only a problem if others know about it.
* I’m at Wal*Mart… and I’m pretty sure I just saw the loser in today’s Eyebrow Drawing Contest.
* Not sure what’s for lunch, but according to the smoke detector, its blackened something…
* No wonder I can't win... I'm not playing with a full deck.