Monday, May 27, 2013

6:02 PM - No comments

In Case You Missed It... 5-27-2013

* I’ve lost count of the thousands of women I’ve satisfied over the years by just leaving them alone.

* Here is a complete list of people who have asked for my opinion:
________
________
________
________
________
________
________
________
________

* Yesterday I proved my theory that you can go anywhere in a hospital as long as you carry a clipboard and wear a white coat. By the end of the day, I was performing brain surgery. And on a side note... my condolences to the family of my patient.

* PLEASE DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE! You little rebel... I like you.

* Since I don’t diet or work out, I’ve finally come to the realization that the only way I’m going to get smokin’ hot is when I’m cremated.

* I can’t believe people act as if they have never seen a man wear a Speedo before. I hate Wal*Mart even more now...

* When you hear foot steps at night, and you see a light in the kitchen... Paranormal snacktivity.

* I never put off till tomorrow what I can ignore entirely.

*For some reason, my entire family has adopted the motto "Don’t judge folks by their relatives."

* When in doubt, mumble.

* The first rule of gun safety: Don't tic me off.

* After 32 years, sometimes... when words just aren't enough... your actions have to show your TRUE feelings. And with that in mind, to show OWN ('Ol Weird Nancy) JUST how much I ♥ her today, I have removed TWO containers of NC BBQ from behind the false wall in the freezer. There are just no words to describe the depth of our relationship at this point.

* Yeah... I'm a keeper.

* To err is human ... to rub it in is divine.

0 comments:

Post a Comment