Saturday, July 31, 2010

4:36 PM - 1 comment

Keep It to Yourself

Sometimes I hear and see things that I don’t need to hear or see. It’s not that I go looking… they’re just there. And like a traffic accident, I can’t help but look. Or listen… as the case may be.

And guys are really bad about this. When you come out of the bathroom, I don’t need details. I don’t care what you did or how bad it was… if you come out, you survived. That’s all I need to know.

I don’t want to pull your finger, either. I’m not 12. If you ate something that doesn’t agree with you, step outside. Don’t ruin the area around me. Yes, I know you can burn the hairs out of my nose and make my eyes water, but please, take it outside.

Sometimes it’s what people wear. And usually it’s what they shouldn’t be wearing. I saw a post on FaceBook recently that said “Just because you CAN wear a bikini doesn’t mean you ought to.” Man… when I read that, I could have had CHURCH!! My hand raised up on it’s on and I was just “Preach on about it.”

Sadly, it’s not just bikinis. I have stopped going to Wally*Mart after eating. In fact, since I’ve started trying to lose weight, I try to go when I’m hungry. Why? Because I normally lose my appetite while I’m there.

They should take down all the advertisements at the entrances and put up floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall mirrors. Folks should have to look at themselves on the way in. Most of the folks obviously do not have a mirror at home or they wouldn’t leave the house looking like that.

Truth be told… if you’re over about 25, you probably don’t need to be walking around with something written across your butt. And if I have to start on one side of you and walk around to the other side to see what it’s trying to spell, you REALLY don’t need it across your butt.

Sports bras are not intended to be worn as an outer garment. Maybe in the gym while you’re working out, but that’s about it. And if you put on a sports bra and the boobs on your back are bigger that the front, maybe you need to reconsider. Come on… who do you think you’re kidding? When was the last time you participated in a sport? OK… one that is recognized as a legitimate sport?

And speaking of undergarments as outer garments, listen up grandpa. Boxers are underwear, not shorts. Don’t go out in public wearing boxers and a t-shirt. You ain’t fooling NObody. And nobody needs or wants to see your junk falling out of one leg. You can quit putting your leg up on the bench to tie your shoe, too. We’re on to your game.

This shouldn’t HAVE to be mentioned, but just to cover the bases… spandex. Just NOT a good idea. For anybody. Anywhere outside of their home. Not at Wally*Mart… not at the gas pumps… not at Hardees… just leave it home.

And that’s MY take.

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