As I mentioned, we took off for a week of vacation in Destin. Well… as I was so informed, OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy), took vacation. Since I theoretically do not have a job, I was not on vacation. I was just tagging along.
And the trip down I-65 is always a blast. Especially on Saturday of the Memorial Day weekend. It just don’t get no better than that traveling south. And they post little humorous digital signs along the way. One said “SPEED KILLS.” I disagreed. It’s not the speed that kills… it’s the stopping. And another thing that kills, or has the potential to kill, is driving your Buick in the left lane at 50mph with your turn signal on. Now I don’t begrudge anyone driving the speed limit if that’s what they want to do. Just don’t do it in front of me.
Another thing I didn’t agree with on the way down waS the Troopers. They have a job to do. And I understand that. Part of my lot in life to help keep them employed. I find I’m very good at that task, too. But I don’t think they should be able to drive unmarked cars. I think they should have to drive fluorescent pink Hyundais. But I digress from my purpose in life.
So we arrived at our abode in Florida. Almost Mom and Dad are always glad to see OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy). And they put on a brave face when they see me… the baggage. Everybody LOVES her… they just tolerate me, the baggage she is stuck with. Her lot in life…
So I get the stuff to our room which is no small chore. I do not travel light. I never know what I will want, so it all goes. We are here for about nine days. I have dress pants, jeans, a plethora of shorts and shirts, 15 boxers, etc… everything I own. (And I like to use “plethora” every now and then just to make you go “Wow… he knows a big word).
Now after getting settled, I don’t know why OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) packs so much stuff for me. Even my shaving kit. I will need nothing in it… we’re on vacation. Who need to shave? Floss? Deodorant? Ok…ok… that part didn’t last long. I don’t know how they did it, but every time I walked past one of the air fresheners in this house, it went off. So I took the hint.
But my purpose in life was soon revealed. While I was in the shower, there were forty-leven-dozen bottles of “stuff” in there. It dawned on me at that moment that I should try them. ALL of them. During that shower. And so it began.
Shampoos… gels… salves… conditioners… scrubs… rubs… washes… rinses… apricot… coconut… watermelon… cucumber… peach… lavender… rose hips (I never knew roses HAD hips, but it was in that shower… and I tried it). I have NEVER smelled as good as I did when I got out. My skin had a sheen… it glowed… was soft. I just couldn’t stop smelling…me.
Now product testing like that is time intensive. You’re not in and out in a matter of minutes. It took a while. But since I now knew this was my purpose, I felt compelled to be thorough. I couldn’t miss one. It was all or nothing. And trust me… it was all.
So after I was done, it became the topic of conversation over dinner. Again… if you know me, you know NOTHING is sacred. I told them how I had tried everything. Every bottle… tube… bar… I smelled like a floral jungle.
It was then that I was informed that I should make a note of everything I tried. Folks might want my opinion on one of the products. What a splendid idea. So I went and check each item.
I looked at each one closely. Next time, I think I’ll do that ahead of time. But I now know I should have no problems with fleas and ticks for the next three months.
And that’s MY take.