Sometimes I hear and see things that I don’t need to hear or see. It’s not that I go looking… they’re just there. And like a traffic accident, I can’t help but look. Or listen… as the case may be.
And guys are really bad about this. When you come out of the bathroom, I don’t need details. I don’t care what you did or how bad it was… if you come out, you survived. That’s all I need to know.
I don’t want to pull your finger, either. I’m not 12. If you ate something that doesn’t agree with you, step outside. Don’t ruin the area around me. Yes, I know you can burn the hairs out of my nose and make my eyes water, but please, take it outside.
Sometimes it’s what people wear. And usually it’s what they shouldn’t be wearing. I saw a post on FaceBook recently that said “Just because you CAN wear a bikini doesn’t mean you ought to.” Man… when I read that, I could have had CHURCH!! My hand raised up on it’s on and I was just “Preach on about it.”
Sadly, it’s not just bikinis. I have stopped going to Wally*Mart after eating. In fact, since I’ve started trying to lose weight, I try to go when I’m hungry. Why? Because I normally lose my appetite while I’m there.
They should take down all the advertisements at the entrances and put up floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall mirrors. Folks should have to look at themselves on the way in. Most of the folks obviously do not have a mirror at home or they wouldn’t leave the house looking like that.
Truth be told… if you’re over about 25, you probably don’t need to be walking around with something written across your butt. And if I have to start on one side of you and walk around to the other side to see what it’s trying to spell, you REALLY don’t need it across your butt.
Sports bras are not intended to be worn as an outer garment. Maybe in the gym while you’re working out, but that’s about it. And if you put on a sports bra and the boobs on your back are bigger that the front, maybe you need to reconsider. Come on… who do you think you’re kidding? When was the last time you participated in a sport? OK… one that is recognized as a legitimate sport?
And speaking of undergarments as outer garments, listen up grandpa. Boxers are underwear, not shorts. Don’t go out in public wearing boxers and a t-shirt. You ain’t fooling NObody. And nobody needs or wants to see your junk falling out of one leg. You can quit putting your leg up on the bench to tie your shoe, too. We’re on to your game.
This shouldn’t HAVE to be mentioned, but just to cover the bases… spandex. Just NOT a good idea. For anybody. Anywhere outside of their home. Not at Wally*Mart… not at the gas pumps… not at Hardees… just leave it home.
And that’s MY take.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Have We NO Shame??
Some of us have no shame. Now I’ll admit… ring my doorbell and I’ll answer in my boxers. If you need to sell me something or discuss something with me and that bothers ya, too bad. But even I have a limit.
So we have a member of Congress who won’t dock his new $7 million yacht in his home state to save $500 thousand dollars in taxes. So he docks it in Rhode Island instead. But he doesn’t mind voting to increase OUR taxes. Now I understand he has to mind his pennies… I wouldn’t want him to blow through his estimated $167 million fortune. But just how does John Kerry sleep at night??
And then the city administrators of Bell, CA… THEY take the cake. Now let me set the stage here. The city of Bell, CA has about 40,000 citizens. And of those 40,000 residents, 17% live in poverty. That’s about 6,800 folks living below the poverty line.
The Chief Administrative Officer was earning $787,637 per year. That’s nearly twice what the president is paid. The Assistant City Manager was earning $376,288. And the Police Chief? He was earning 457,000… 50% more than the LA Police Chief earns. He should have the backbone to arrest himself and the other two thieves.
So obviously, they have no shame. They have all three decided to resign… and draw their pensions. The Chief Administrative Officer will only draw $650,000 per year in retirement. How will the poor guy survive? We may need to pass the hat for him. He will be the highest-paid retiree in the state’s pension system. And they have no shame.
And another long-time member of Congress is up on ethics charges. Now to me, those two words are hard to say in the same sentence… Congress and ethics. But he is being investigated for his use of FOUR rent-controlled apartments, using his official stationary to raise money for one of his boondoggles that pays him, and on… and on.
These folks have no shame. That’s why we need to clean house with our elected officials. Let some others get in there and get their fair share. If you agree, vote for me in November. If you need to know my platform, I’ll be parked in the handicap spot at Wally-World. Illegally of course… because I, TOO, have no shame.
And that’s MY take.
So we have a member of Congress who won’t dock his new $7 million yacht in his home state to save $500 thousand dollars in taxes. So he docks it in Rhode Island instead. But he doesn’t mind voting to increase OUR taxes. Now I understand he has to mind his pennies… I wouldn’t want him to blow through his estimated $167 million fortune. But just how does John Kerry sleep at night??
And then the city administrators of Bell, CA… THEY take the cake. Now let me set the stage here. The city of Bell, CA has about 40,000 citizens. And of those 40,000 residents, 17% live in poverty. That’s about 6,800 folks living below the poverty line.
The Chief Administrative Officer was earning $787,637 per year. That’s nearly twice what the president is paid. The Assistant City Manager was earning $376,288. And the Police Chief? He was earning 457,000… 50% more than the LA Police Chief earns. He should have the backbone to arrest himself and the other two thieves.
So obviously, they have no shame. They have all three decided to resign… and draw their pensions. The Chief Administrative Officer will only draw $650,000 per year in retirement. How will the poor guy survive? We may need to pass the hat for him. He will be the highest-paid retiree in the state’s pension system. And they have no shame.
And another long-time member of Congress is up on ethics charges. Now to me, those two words are hard to say in the same sentence… Congress and ethics. But he is being investigated for his use of FOUR rent-controlled apartments, using his official stationary to raise money for one of his boondoggles that pays him, and on… and on.
These folks have no shame. That’s why we need to clean house with our elected officials. Let some others get in there and get their fair share. If you agree, vote for me in November. If you need to know my platform, I’ll be parked in the handicap spot at Wally-World. Illegally of course… because I, TOO, have no shame.
And that’s MY take.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
I Just Can’t Keep It In NO More!!
I have a tendency to let things go until they pile up. And once it reaches a certain point, I just can’t take it NO more. I have to deal with it. Let it out. Get it off my chest. A friend of mine says I have a tendency to procrastinate. That may be… but I’ve reached a level today where this has got to be let go.
Folks… there are certain things you could chisel in stone that my name would never… NEVER… be associated with. For example, you will never see the headline “Tom Gilmore Receives Pilot License.” That ain’t gonna happen. I don’t like to fly, so I won’t be going out taking lessons on it. “Tennessee Resident Dies in Bungee Jumping Accident.” You can keep reading cause my name ain’t gonna be in that story.
What I’m getting at, is there are some folks that should have the word “IDIOT” tattooed across their forehead. These folks are just crazy. They shouldn’t be allowed to have no young’uns cause their limb of the tree needs to STOP! Cut that limb off, split it into kindling, and end it. Right there. Done.
Have I piqued your interest yet? Wondering what set me off this time? Well… just to be fair, I will let you know the Hickville Wally*Mart plays NO part in this rant. I know… I know… I’m shocked, as well.
So I’m reading the news this morning when this headline jumped out at me:
“Man Bitten While Trying to Sit on Crocodile”
Now I didn’t say a word. I just got up and went and got my list “Things You Will NEVER See Tom’s Name Involved In” and came back and sat down. OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) looked at me and asked “What have you read now?”
My list grows little by little. As I read something that some idiot has done (and now let me clarify here… I mean some OTHER idiot, because I do on occasion do some dumb stuff), I will add it to my list. And by having that list, OWN can sleep better at night. If by chance I’m not home and she reads something that some idiot has done, she can look at my list and KNOW that it wasn’t me. For example… if I’m gone next week and she reads that some idiot has been bitten while trying to sit on a crocodile, she can gasp in horror, run get my list, see that I have that item on there, and rest easy. Ya’ll have NO idea the things I do to make OWN’s life easier. This is just one of many.
So actually, this was an interesting day because there were a COUPLE of items that I added to my list besides the crocodile idiot:
“Men Accused of Beating Porky Pig at Theme Park” I won’t be beating Porky Pig. I love pork… it’s the other white meat. And these idiots should be strung up by their… well… some appendage and made to squeal like a pig.
“Police Seek Mischief Maker Dressed as Leprechaun” Now this one could get a little confusing for ya. I DO like to make mischief, but I WON’T be doing it while dressed as a leprechaun.
“Police Say Woman Beat Man With Frying Pan” Ummm… ok… so I’m not sure why this one made the list of Strange News since it’s a normal occurrence at our house.
But I hope ya’ll get my drift. I just don’t feel sorry for some of these folks. If you’re dumb enough to try and sit on a crocodile, you deserve to get bit. Just like those people I see at Wally*Mart… if they’re dumb enough to go out dressed like that, they should KNOW I’m going to look, point, and laugh.
And that’s MY take.
Folks… there are certain things you could chisel in stone that my name would never… NEVER… be associated with. For example, you will never see the headline “Tom Gilmore Receives Pilot License.” That ain’t gonna happen. I don’t like to fly, so I won’t be going out taking lessons on it. “Tennessee Resident Dies in Bungee Jumping Accident.” You can keep reading cause my name ain’t gonna be in that story.
What I’m getting at, is there are some folks that should have the word “IDIOT” tattooed across their forehead. These folks are just crazy. They shouldn’t be allowed to have no young’uns cause their limb of the tree needs to STOP! Cut that limb off, split it into kindling, and end it. Right there. Done.
Have I piqued your interest yet? Wondering what set me off this time? Well… just to be fair, I will let you know the Hickville Wally*Mart plays NO part in this rant. I know… I know… I’m shocked, as well.
So I’m reading the news this morning when this headline jumped out at me:
“Man Bitten While Trying to Sit on Crocodile”
Now I didn’t say a word. I just got up and went and got my list “Things You Will NEVER See Tom’s Name Involved In” and came back and sat down. OWN (‘Ol Weird Nancy) looked at me and asked “What have you read now?”
My list grows little by little. As I read something that some idiot has done (and now let me clarify here… I mean some OTHER idiot, because I do on occasion do some dumb stuff), I will add it to my list. And by having that list, OWN can sleep better at night. If by chance I’m not home and she reads something that some idiot has done, she can look at my list and KNOW that it wasn’t me. For example… if I’m gone next week and she reads that some idiot has been bitten while trying to sit on a crocodile, she can gasp in horror, run get my list, see that I have that item on there, and rest easy. Ya’ll have NO idea the things I do to make OWN’s life easier. This is just one of many.
So actually, this was an interesting day because there were a COUPLE of items that I added to my list besides the crocodile idiot:
“Men Accused of Beating Porky Pig at Theme Park” I won’t be beating Porky Pig. I love pork… it’s the other white meat. And these idiots should be strung up by their… well… some appendage and made to squeal like a pig.
“Police Seek Mischief Maker Dressed as Leprechaun” Now this one could get a little confusing for ya. I DO like to make mischief, but I WON’T be doing it while dressed as a leprechaun.
“Police Say Woman Beat Man With Frying Pan” Ummm… ok… so I’m not sure why this one made the list of Strange News since it’s a normal occurrence at our house.
But I hope ya’ll get my drift. I just don’t feel sorry for some of these folks. If you’re dumb enough to try and sit on a crocodile, you deserve to get bit. Just like those people I see at Wally*Mart… if they’re dumb enough to go out dressed like that, they should KNOW I’m going to look, point, and laugh.
And that’s MY take.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Why Bother?
Sometimes, when I have a little time on my hands… which is frequently, actually, I like to sit and ponder. Pondering is overlooked and under used, I think. If we pondered more and worried less, our lives might be better off.
The sad part with me is… I ponder insignificant stuff. I’m not solving a world crisis when I ponder. I just see something that to me… I just don’t get it. And I’ve pondered a couple of things lately.
The first thing that comes to mind that I’ve recently pondered is… flameless candles. Now to me, I just don’t get it. Part of the allure of a candle is the flame. The way it dances…glows… it’s hypnotic effect… I just don’t think you can get that from a flameless candle.
Now, being honest, part of my fascination with candles may just be the pyromaniac in me coming out. I don’t know. It’s just another “maniac” title to hang on me. But I was surfing the channels and saw an infomercial for the flameless candle. And I had to watch.
Now that brings me to another thing I ponder on a REGULAR basis. I have about… ohhhh… 5,000 TV channels and I watch about…ohhhh… maybe six of them. But I surf through ALL of them to make SURE something better isn’t on.
And I think the breakdown goes something like… six sex channels, 4,988 SHOPPING channels, and the six I watch. Why do they need so many SHOPPING channels? Who needs all that stuff? No wonder they have that show called Hoarders. Flameless candles, cheap jewelry, Juicers, Colon Cleansers, I mean… how much STUFF can you need?
Bottled water is another item I’ve pondered. Again… I just don’t get it. I growed up drinking outta the hose in the yard on a hot day. So why should I pay good money for water in a plastic bottle? And where does that bottle go when I’m done? Hopefully to be recycled for the NEXT guy that buys bottled water.
At least I try to be good for the environment. I recycle my plastic water bottles… under the faucet as I refill them. The Flameless candle? Not for me… I want the REAL flame. And I’ll keep channel surfing… and watching the same six channels.
And that’s MY take.
The sad part with me is… I ponder insignificant stuff. I’m not solving a world crisis when I ponder. I just see something that to me… I just don’t get it. And I’ve pondered a couple of things lately.
The first thing that comes to mind that I’ve recently pondered is… flameless candles. Now to me, I just don’t get it. Part of the allure of a candle is the flame. The way it dances…glows… it’s hypnotic effect… I just don’t think you can get that from a flameless candle.
Now, being honest, part of my fascination with candles may just be the pyromaniac in me coming out. I don’t know. It’s just another “maniac” title to hang on me. But I was surfing the channels and saw an infomercial for the flameless candle. And I had to watch.
Now that brings me to another thing I ponder on a REGULAR basis. I have about… ohhhh… 5,000 TV channels and I watch about…ohhhh… maybe six of them. But I surf through ALL of them to make SURE something better isn’t on.
And I think the breakdown goes something like… six sex channels, 4,988 SHOPPING channels, and the six I watch. Why do they need so many SHOPPING channels? Who needs all that stuff? No wonder they have that show called Hoarders. Flameless candles, cheap jewelry, Juicers, Colon Cleansers, I mean… how much STUFF can you need?
Bottled water is another item I’ve pondered. Again… I just don’t get it. I growed up drinking outta the hose in the yard on a hot day. So why should I pay good money for water in a plastic bottle? And where does that bottle go when I’m done? Hopefully to be recycled for the NEXT guy that buys bottled water.
At least I try to be good for the environment. I recycle my plastic water bottles… under the faucet as I refill them. The Flameless candle? Not for me… I want the REAL flame. And I’ll keep channel surfing… and watching the same six channels.
And that’s MY take.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Is It ME??
It appears I keep coming across things that I find funny… but no one else does. Maybe my sense of humor has gone off the deep end. Or maybe it’s always BEEN off the deep end and other folks were just being nice and humoring me. But now I’m beginning to wonder if it’s just me.
I stopped by our local “last chance” country grocery a few days ago. You know the ones… bread is $8.00 a loaf… milk is $7.49 a gallon… gas is $12.50… but if you don’t get it there you have to drive all the way into town to Wally*Mart. So anyway… I had stopped in for something overpriced and saw they had a new item advertised… Fishing Bait. And it was stored in the food cooler next to the eggs and butter. Now I found this humorous. I realize I live in Hickville, but even this appeared a little hick-ish… (or hick-ee?)… no, hick-ish… to me.
After I mentioned it on my “outlet page”… also known as FaceBook… folks asked me what was strange about that? Most places stored their bait with the food. So I guess it WAS me. But even our local Hickville Wally*Mart keeps the bait (crickets and worms) in the sporting goods area.
And then just recently while scanning the national news, I came across the story about SouthWest Airlines removing a shipment of human heads because they were labled incorrectly. Now granted… I don’t fly or ship things on SouthWest very often. And I SURE don’t ship human heads on a regular basis… but just how do you label them CORRECTLY?? Did the little Pygmy Headhunter guy that checked them in get fined? Enquiring minds want to know. At least MINE does. But again… not too much got stirred up over it.
I like to stir things up. I travel with a big spoon just for that purpose. It’s a hoot to post something just to see what other folk’s spin on it is. Or maybe I’m just losing my touch. Things I find funny are too off the deep end.
Every now and then I come across something I find humorous, but that after thinking about it, makes me sad. Case in point:
Police in western New York said two Canadian men attended a church festival and wound up in the woods drunk, naked and covered in mud. State police said troopers found a 22-year-old man from Hamilton, Ontario sitting along a road in the town of Lewiston, just outside Niagara Falls, around 5:45 a.m. Sunday.
Troopers said he was caked in mud. After questioning him, troopers found a 23-year-old man from Hamilton covered in mud and passed out in a ditch nearby.
Police said both men were highly intoxicated. (Ya THINK)??
Troopers say the men had attended the St. John de LaSalle Carnival on Saturday and afterward decided to make it a "Woodstock event" by dancing naked in the woods. Both men were taken to a local hospital where they were treated and released.
Now on first glance, I found this extremely funny. Had it been me that they found naked in the woods with another guy… I would of just asked that they shoot me right there. But that’s just me.
But after reading it a few times… something just bothered me. It took me a few times of reading and re-reading it before it finally dawned on me. It wasn’t so much that they found two naked men together covered in mud in the woods. It finally hit me that MY church’s festivals are never that wild. Oh the burdens we Baptists bear…
And that’s MY take.
I stopped by our local “last chance” country grocery a few days ago. You know the ones… bread is $8.00 a loaf… milk is $7.49 a gallon… gas is $12.50… but if you don’t get it there you have to drive all the way into town to Wally*Mart. So anyway… I had stopped in for something overpriced and saw they had a new item advertised… Fishing Bait. And it was stored in the food cooler next to the eggs and butter. Now I found this humorous. I realize I live in Hickville, but even this appeared a little hick-ish… (or hick-ee?)… no, hick-ish… to me.
After I mentioned it on my “outlet page”… also known as FaceBook… folks asked me what was strange about that? Most places stored their bait with the food. So I guess it WAS me. But even our local Hickville Wally*Mart keeps the bait (crickets and worms) in the sporting goods area.
And then just recently while scanning the national news, I came across the story about SouthWest Airlines removing a shipment of human heads because they were labled incorrectly. Now granted… I don’t fly or ship things on SouthWest very often. And I SURE don’t ship human heads on a regular basis… but just how do you label them CORRECTLY?? Did the little Pygmy Headhunter guy that checked them in get fined? Enquiring minds want to know. At least MINE does. But again… not too much got stirred up over it.
I like to stir things up. I travel with a big spoon just for that purpose. It’s a hoot to post something just to see what other folk’s spin on it is. Or maybe I’m just losing my touch. Things I find funny are too off the deep end.
Every now and then I come across something I find humorous, but that after thinking about it, makes me sad. Case in point:
Police in western New York said two Canadian men attended a church festival and wound up in the woods drunk, naked and covered in mud. State police said troopers found a 22-year-old man from Hamilton, Ontario sitting along a road in the town of Lewiston, just outside Niagara Falls, around 5:45 a.m. Sunday.
Troopers said he was caked in mud. After questioning him, troopers found a 23-year-old man from Hamilton covered in mud and passed out in a ditch nearby.
Police said both men were highly intoxicated. (Ya THINK)??
Troopers say the men had attended the St. John de LaSalle Carnival on Saturday and afterward decided to make it a "Woodstock event" by dancing naked in the woods. Both men were taken to a local hospital where they were treated and released.
Now on first glance, I found this extremely funny. Had it been me that they found naked in the woods with another guy… I would of just asked that they shoot me right there. But that’s just me.
But after reading it a few times… something just bothered me. It took me a few times of reading and re-reading it before it finally dawned on me. It wasn’t so much that they found two naked men together covered in mud in the woods. It finally hit me that MY church’s festivals are never that wild. Oh the burdens we Baptists bear…
And that’s MY take.
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