If you're going to be poor... the BEST time is when you're a kid because you don't know. I never realized we were poor when I was growing up. Not until I was an adult and looked back and thought... "Dang... we were poor."
All the stuff I had when I was a kid seemed normal. At least at the time. I remember I had the car carrier trailer from a Tonka truck. Just the trailer, mind you. And I used to play with it. Never knew there was another piece that was missing. I guess the truck got unhitched at the Tonka Truck Stop and drove off without the trailer. So that was what I ended up with.
And I now realize that some of my other toys weren't "quite" right, either. Now you have to remember this was during the mid to late '60s, so Viet Nam was going on. So I didn't find it odd that my GI Joes only had one leg or were missing an arm. Or one foot was gone. I thought they had been discharged from the VA Hospital after coming home from the war. (I do remember thinking it odd that the headless one could still talk. Still haven't figured THAT one out).
But looking back... those were some GREAT times. We didn't have a Wii, PlayStation, Nintendo, XBox. I didn't have SpongeBob, Cartoon Network, or anything like that. I was lucky yo have a TV. I remember it was as big as a refrigerator and the picture was the size of shoe box. And no cable or satellite. We had rabbit ears that you had to put tin foil on. And you STILL had to hold the rabbit ears while standing on one leg with your right arm out at a 90 degree angle to get the snow out of the picture.
Yeah... being poor when you're a kid isn't so bad. It's ALWAYS fun to sit and watch your sister dance with a broom while watching American Band Stand. But I'll save that for another day.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
It Shouldn't Be This Way
So a friend of ours ran into a deer a few days back. And by ran into... I don't mean like you run into a friend at the mall. She smacked the HECK outta this deer. She said all she remembered seeing was it flying through the air. And she failed to see the humor when I asked if maybe, just maybe, it was a reindeer. It wasn't.
I could tell you the car was totaled and let that be the end of the story. But you know me. I LOVE details. I love how I capture your mind and have you sitting on the edge of your seats reading not knowing what is coming next. What detail... what tidbit of information will I provide to make you see the story in crystal clear HI-DEF? I don't know about all that... I just know I have a lot of time on my hands and I have to pass it somehow. So messing with your minds is the best thing I know to do.
So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah... she hit a deer and totaled her car. To ME... that is the good news. The BAD news is... we have to go car shopping.
I can't say that I dislike car shopping. Because to me, dislike isn't NEARLY a strong enough word. Despise... detest... loathe... abhor... (yeah I know... thank you synonyms.com). It's just something I HATE to do. Car shopping is something I look forward to as much as I do having my wisdom teeth pulled... or a tax audit... or circumcision. Yeah... it REALLY ranks pretty high up.
And WHY do I hate it so much? It's like a game to them. Put a price on a car and let me see it. I'll decide if I can afford it or not. I hate to haggle. And it's the only place I know that you have to do it on a regular basis. I don't go to Wally*Mart for milk and expect to haggle. "Yes ma'am, I know it says $3.99 a gallon, but would you take $2.50? OK... how about $3.75 and a free loaf of bread?" You just don't do that. So why should I do it for a car?
And then there's the "Let me see what my boss says." Well, if you can't make the deal, why am I talking to you in the first place? Let ME talk to the boss and cut out the middle man.
So you get what you THINK is the price and then they want to add on "extras." "Yes, sir. The car cost $20,000.00, but you are going to want the optional steering wheel, aren't you? That's another $900.00. And it gets mighty cold around here during the winter. The optional heater is $600.00. And how about that extended warranty? You know this cheap piece of crap isn't going to last very long..."
OK... OK... give it to me. Everything. Put it ALL on there. Please. Just tell me how much it's going to hurt.
"OK... so we have the car... the steering wheel... heater... warranty... sunroof removal... lug nuts... muffler... we're talking a total of $26,000." WHAT?? The window sticker was only $25,000. "Yes sir... but that is only a 'suggested' selling price."
OK... let me get you a check for $26,000. You win. I give up.
"Well let me get you a total, sir. I still have to add the tag, title, and a PROCESSING FEE."
Like it isn't their JOB to process PAPERWORK??
Man... can't I just get a circumcision instead?
I could tell you the car was totaled and let that be the end of the story. But you know me. I LOVE details. I love how I capture your mind and have you sitting on the edge of your seats reading not knowing what is coming next. What detail... what tidbit of information will I provide to make you see the story in crystal clear HI-DEF? I don't know about all that... I just know I have a lot of time on my hands and I have to pass it somehow. So messing with your minds is the best thing I know to do.
So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah... she hit a deer and totaled her car. To ME... that is the good news. The BAD news is... we have to go car shopping.
I can't say that I dislike car shopping. Because to me, dislike isn't NEARLY a strong enough word. Despise... detest... loathe... abhor... (yeah I know... thank you synonyms.com). It's just something I HATE to do. Car shopping is something I look forward to as much as I do having my wisdom teeth pulled... or a tax audit... or circumcision. Yeah... it REALLY ranks pretty high up.
And WHY do I hate it so much? It's like a game to them. Put a price on a car and let me see it. I'll decide if I can afford it or not. I hate to haggle. And it's the only place I know that you have to do it on a regular basis. I don't go to Wally*Mart for milk and expect to haggle. "Yes ma'am, I know it says $3.99 a gallon, but would you take $2.50? OK... how about $3.75 and a free loaf of bread?" You just don't do that. So why should I do it for a car?
And then there's the "Let me see what my boss says." Well, if you can't make the deal, why am I talking to you in the first place? Let ME talk to the boss and cut out the middle man.
So you get what you THINK is the price and then they want to add on "extras." "Yes, sir. The car cost $20,000.00, but you are going to want the optional steering wheel, aren't you? That's another $900.00. And it gets mighty cold around here during the winter. The optional heater is $600.00. And how about that extended warranty? You know this cheap piece of crap isn't going to last very long..."
OK... OK... give it to me. Everything. Put it ALL on there. Please. Just tell me how much it's going to hurt.
"OK... so we have the car... the steering wheel... heater... warranty... sunroof removal... lug nuts... muffler... we're talking a total of $26,000." WHAT?? The window sticker was only $25,000. "Yes sir... but that is only a 'suggested' selling price."
OK... let me get you a check for $26,000. You win. I give up.
"Well let me get you a total, sir. I still have to add the tag, title, and a PROCESSING FEE."
Like it isn't their JOB to process PAPERWORK??
Man... can't I just get a circumcision instead?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I'm Sorry
I'm sorry. And I REALLY mean that. No one is more sorry than I. I am really... REALLY... sorry. And with that being said, can we just press on to something else? Do you have to keep shoving it in my face? Every 12 minutes like clockwork. Well... I guess it is clockwork. But you get my drift.
Got a problem with feminine itch? I'm sorry. Feeling gassy and bloated? I hate it for ya. Sinus backed up? Diarrhea? Constipation? Erectile Dysfunction? (OK... now this one really DOES bring tears to my eyes). But Acid Reflux? An erection lasting more than four hours? Anal seepage? Hemorrhoids? Tampons? Condoms? Headache? Back ache? Toothache? Dry skin? Oily complexion? Eye lashes too thin? Eye brows too thick? Blood shot eyes? Dry eyes?
Over half of every commercial break for every TV show is devoted to some type medical ailment for which they have found a miracle cure. So not only are the drug companies coming up with new drugs... they MUST be creating the ailments so they can SELL the drugs.
WHERE DOES IT END?? I never knew how many ailments I had until I started watching more TV. And if I DON'T have it... they make me feel weird that I don't. But I'm not worried. I'm sure they have a pill for that weird feeling.
Got a problem with feminine itch? I'm sorry. Feeling gassy and bloated? I hate it for ya. Sinus backed up? Diarrhea? Constipation? Erectile Dysfunction? (OK... now this one really DOES bring tears to my eyes). But Acid Reflux? An erection lasting more than four hours? Anal seepage? Hemorrhoids? Tampons? Condoms? Headache? Back ache? Toothache? Dry skin? Oily complexion? Eye lashes too thin? Eye brows too thick? Blood shot eyes? Dry eyes?
Over half of every commercial break for every TV show is devoted to some type medical ailment for which they have found a miracle cure. So not only are the drug companies coming up with new drugs... they MUST be creating the ailments so they can SELL the drugs.
WHERE DOES IT END?? I never knew how many ailments I had until I started watching more TV. And if I DON'T have it... they make me feel weird that I don't. But I'm not worried. I'm sure they have a pill for that weird feeling.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Those Less Fortunate
I think we sometimes become jaded to those around us that are less fortunate. And it usually doesn't take a knock up side the head to bring us back to reality. I'm not talking about recent disasters that have been in the news... earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanoes, etc... I'm talking folks that we see day in and day out in our community.
Take for example, today... I had to go to the regional Social Security office which is about a 30 mile drive each way. If you're ever feeling down on yourself, go to a social welfare office and just look at those gathered there. You'll start to feel better about yourself pretty darn quick.
So I'm sitting there, minding my OWN business as always, when a gentleman of Hispanic decent comes in carrying a baby in a carrier and followed by a toddler. He sits down two rows in front of me and put the baby carrier in a seat beside him. The little toddler climbs up in the other seat. He then proceeds to take out a child of about one year from the carrier.
During all this, the mother had stopped at the front door to sign in. So mom then saunters over to dad and the kids.
Now mom is evidently a native of the local variety. Many times you can just look at the plumage of a species and narrow the area from whence they came. This was one of those cases. She would have been a prime... PRIME... candidate for the "People of Wal*Mart" web site.
It's hard to decide on exactly where to begin with the description. So with that said, I'll just pick areas at random and go from there. But don't worry... I'm saving the best for last.
First off, she had wavy, curly, type hair down to about her shoulders. In most spots. And at the very top of her head, she had gathered some of it into a... bunch, for lack of a better word, and wrapped a rubber band around it. Not that the rubber band was easy to see, since there was so much OTHER stuff to assault your vision. And the rest of her hair looked like it had last been brushed about NEVER. But I digress... so let me move on.
I like when folks know they are going out in public and take a little time to ensure that they and what they have on are presentable. This lady did not subscribe to that same train of thought. I felt she was of the mindset of... this is close, so I'll put it on. It appeared that clean pile/dirty pile, fit/doesn't fit, none of that seemed to matter. Especially with the yellow sweat pants she had chosen.
A better yard sale find would be hard to imagine. It's like when you're out at the yard sale, and you see the most hideous item you can find and buy it JUST to make the seller happy. They will remember you. Maybe not fondly, but they WILL remember you. That was these yellow sweat pants.
Sometimes, especially after the holidays, it is quite common to put on a few extra pounds. And it isn't UNcommon, during these rare occasions, to check the amount of stress that some of your clothes can take at the seams. THIS was not one of those occasions. I would be surprised if these yellow sweatpants had been intended for someone over 12 years old. And maybe 100 pounds. This lady was just a TAD bit past both. But that didn't stop her from squeezing herself into them. Or most of herself. Or SOME of herself. Well... part of her was in them. But again, I digress... there was more.
Have you ever had an old t-shirt that you just couldn't bear to part with? It's ratty... the neck is all stretched out... maybe a hole under the arm... and 18 sizes TOO big? You know the one. You drag it out to just lounge around in because it's so comfortable... but you would NEVER dream of wearing it out? Yeah... that shirt. Well this lady had a different dream. Thinking back now, I might consider it a nightmare.
As big as she was... the shirt was bigger. WAY bigger. And I didn't know you could actually have a shirt made without cloth. Because while there probably had been cloth and thread at some point in the life of this shirt, if there were any left in it, I would be surprised. And I didn't see any. And I hate to admit it, but it was like a train wreck. I just couldn't bring myself to look away. My eyes actually hurt. I think there were tears...
But the CROWNING glory has yet to be revealed. At least to you. Because it WAS revealed to everyone in the waiting area. Needless to say in her apparent haste to get out of the house, one important... and I mean VERY important... article had been overlooked.
Staring all of us in the face... painfully, I might add... were "the girls." Now I realize that many parts of your body are "similar," but not the "same." Your ears are a prime example. Usually, one is a smidgen larger that then other. And the same with your feet. But I don't think smidgen would be the right adjective for this situation. I think one of "the girls" reached to an area approximately near where her belly button would be. I say "I think," because I didn't want to force myself to look. Too much. And the other one was tucked into the top of the yellow sweat pants. Again... I think.
Had there been an emergency, the ONLY way she could have run for cover would have been to tuck one up under each arm. People do not take the time to stop and think about what might happen in a crisis. Where are the exits... how many folks will I have to beat out that door... how do I make it to safety without "the girls", literally, beating the crap out of me... because they are flopping all over the place? Well, ONE of them is flapping. The other is safely tucked in the top of my yellow sweatpants that are eight sizes too small.
Do people have no more shame than to go out dressed in that fashion? Do they have no concern for their fellow man? Do they not care about my grocery bill? Cause I pert-near-bout tossed the groceries. And my sight. What about my sight? I nearly wished blindness on myself.
Luckily, they were called in fairly quickly. That saved me from collecting all the "you are next" numbers from everyone that was waiting and making SURE "they were next."
And as I left, all I could want was for that family to be approved for whatever they were seeking. Because I hope they get enough to buy her a bra.
Take for example, today... I had to go to the regional Social Security office which is about a 30 mile drive each way. If you're ever feeling down on yourself, go to a social welfare office and just look at those gathered there. You'll start to feel better about yourself pretty darn quick.
So I'm sitting there, minding my OWN business as always, when a gentleman of Hispanic decent comes in carrying a baby in a carrier and followed by a toddler. He sits down two rows in front of me and put the baby carrier in a seat beside him. The little toddler climbs up in the other seat. He then proceeds to take out a child of about one year from the carrier.
During all this, the mother had stopped at the front door to sign in. So mom then saunters over to dad and the kids.
Now mom is evidently a native of the local variety. Many times you can just look at the plumage of a species and narrow the area from whence they came. This was one of those cases. She would have been a prime... PRIME... candidate for the "People of Wal*Mart" web site.
It's hard to decide on exactly where to begin with the description. So with that said, I'll just pick areas at random and go from there. But don't worry... I'm saving the best for last.
First off, she had wavy, curly, type hair down to about her shoulders. In most spots. And at the very top of her head, she had gathered some of it into a... bunch, for lack of a better word, and wrapped a rubber band around it. Not that the rubber band was easy to see, since there was so much OTHER stuff to assault your vision. And the rest of her hair looked like it had last been brushed about NEVER. But I digress... so let me move on.
I like when folks know they are going out in public and take a little time to ensure that they and what they have on are presentable. This lady did not subscribe to that same train of thought. I felt she was of the mindset of... this is close, so I'll put it on. It appeared that clean pile/dirty pile, fit/doesn't fit, none of that seemed to matter. Especially with the yellow sweat pants she had chosen.
A better yard sale find would be hard to imagine. It's like when you're out at the yard sale, and you see the most hideous item you can find and buy it JUST to make the seller happy. They will remember you. Maybe not fondly, but they WILL remember you. That was these yellow sweat pants.
Sometimes, especially after the holidays, it is quite common to put on a few extra pounds. And it isn't UNcommon, during these rare occasions, to check the amount of stress that some of your clothes can take at the seams. THIS was not one of those occasions. I would be surprised if these yellow sweatpants had been intended for someone over 12 years old. And maybe 100 pounds. This lady was just a TAD bit past both. But that didn't stop her from squeezing herself into them. Or most of herself. Or SOME of herself. Well... part of her was in them. But again, I digress... there was more.
Have you ever had an old t-shirt that you just couldn't bear to part with? It's ratty... the neck is all stretched out... maybe a hole under the arm... and 18 sizes TOO big? You know the one. You drag it out to just lounge around in because it's so comfortable... but you would NEVER dream of wearing it out? Yeah... that shirt. Well this lady had a different dream. Thinking back now, I might consider it a nightmare.
As big as she was... the shirt was bigger. WAY bigger. And I didn't know you could actually have a shirt made without cloth. Because while there probably had been cloth and thread at some point in the life of this shirt, if there were any left in it, I would be surprised. And I didn't see any. And I hate to admit it, but it was like a train wreck. I just couldn't bring myself to look away. My eyes actually hurt. I think there were tears...
But the CROWNING glory has yet to be revealed. At least to you. Because it WAS revealed to everyone in the waiting area. Needless to say in her apparent haste to get out of the house, one important... and I mean VERY important... article had been overlooked.
Staring all of us in the face... painfully, I might add... were "the girls." Now I realize that many parts of your body are "similar," but not the "same." Your ears are a prime example. Usually, one is a smidgen larger that then other. And the same with your feet. But I don't think smidgen would be the right adjective for this situation. I think one of "the girls" reached to an area approximately near where her belly button would be. I say "I think," because I didn't want to force myself to look. Too much. And the other one was tucked into the top of the yellow sweat pants. Again... I think.
Had there been an emergency, the ONLY way she could have run for cover would have been to tuck one up under each arm. People do not take the time to stop and think about what might happen in a crisis. Where are the exits... how many folks will I have to beat out that door... how do I make it to safety without "the girls", literally, beating the crap out of me... because they are flopping all over the place? Well, ONE of them is flapping. The other is safely tucked in the top of my yellow sweatpants that are eight sizes too small.
Do people have no more shame than to go out dressed in that fashion? Do they have no concern for their fellow man? Do they not care about my grocery bill? Cause I pert-near-bout tossed the groceries. And my sight. What about my sight? I nearly wished blindness on myself.
Luckily, they were called in fairly quickly. That saved me from collecting all the "you are next" numbers from everyone that was waiting and making SURE "they were next."
And as I left, all I could want was for that family to be approved for whatever they were seeking. Because I hope they get enough to buy her a bra.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The Three Gs
I've never thought of myself as overly superstitious. Paranormal "beings" seldom pop into my head. When I watch the SyFy channel, I do it for the entertainment value. But lately... well... I'm starting to wonder.
I believe this house may be haunted. Possessed. Have a spirit (and by that I mean more than Jack Daniels spirit in the cupboard). I firmly believe that the three Gs could actually inhabit this abode. Yes... there could be a ghost, goblin, or ghoul.
So here's the deal... I can watch TV... any channel... any room. I get really into shows that I watch. REALLY into them. I get so engrossed that I frequently close me eyes and meditate on the show. And after only one to two hours of meditation, I open my eyes and the TV is on.... LifeTime.
Always. ALWAYS. It's never on Fox. It's never on Comedy Channel. It's never... NEVER on ESPN. TBS... FX... USA... BET... nope. Never. Always LifeTime.
That's just wrong.
I believe this house may be haunted. Possessed. Have a spirit (and by that I mean more than Jack Daniels spirit in the cupboard). I firmly believe that the three Gs could actually inhabit this abode. Yes... there could be a ghost, goblin, or ghoul.
So here's the deal... I can watch TV... any channel... any room. I get really into shows that I watch. REALLY into them. I get so engrossed that I frequently close me eyes and meditate on the show. And after only one to two hours of meditation, I open my eyes and the TV is on.... LifeTime.
Always. ALWAYS. It's never on Fox. It's never on Comedy Channel. It's never... NEVER on ESPN. TBS... FX... USA... BET... nope. Never. Always LifeTime.
That's just wrong.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
eBay Treasures
I like to scan things listed on eBay. I like eBay. I have bought WAY too much stuff on there. And I like to sell stuff on there, too. I could probably be happy just listing stuff and buying it back. Wait... that is a great idea. I'll be right back. I need to write that down before I forget it.
OK... where was I?
Anyway, so today I was scanning stuff on eBay. And I don't just look at normal, everyday items. I try to find off-the-wall stuff. I know... I know... that completely shocks you about me. But today's topic was "Funeral Items."
So I'm looking... and I'm looking... and I come across a "Green, Eco-Friendly Casket" for $800.00. I see a lot of possibilities for discussion here. First off, if I'm THAT worried about the ecology, just get cremated. That is my choice anyway... cheaper, easier, no-muss, no-fuss. But that being said, I'm not paying $800.00 for a box. And that is about what it was... a cardboard box. Maybe I could start doing that... I could go down to the appliance store and get the refrigerator boxes and sell them on eBay. But MINE will only be $799.00. Plus the customary shipping and handling fee, of course.
OK... where was I?
Anyway, so today I was scanning stuff on eBay. And I don't just look at normal, everyday items. I try to find off-the-wall stuff. I know... I know... that completely shocks you about me. But today's topic was "Funeral Items."
So I'm looking... and I'm looking... and I come across a "Green, Eco-Friendly Casket" for $800.00. I see a lot of possibilities for discussion here. First off, if I'm THAT worried about the ecology, just get cremated. That is my choice anyway... cheaper, easier, no-muss, no-fuss. But that being said, I'm not paying $800.00 for a box. And that is about what it was... a cardboard box. Maybe I could start doing that... I could go down to the appliance store and get the refrigerator boxes and sell them on eBay. But MINE will only be $799.00. Plus the customary shipping and handling fee, of course.
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